It's been forever since I've even thought to post anything. (Seriously... I don't know what happened to the dedicated blogger I used to be...) But since I'm too nice to say these exact words quite the way I'm thinking them... I'll simply have to blog them. I suck at journal writing... so blogging it is.
Obviously, there have been a lot of changes in my life in the last year and a half. Pretty well known. And since it is well known, I get people coming up to me ALL the time with a little head tilt, a slight pained expression on their face, and a "Aww.... hun.... how are you doing?" And though these people are always well-meaning and truly kind-hearted people... their voice and body language are SO full of pity I find myself thinking, "What happened?!?!? Who died?!?!?" because they make my life sound THAT depressing.
Let it be known throughout the land that I seriously am okay. SERIOUSLY. I do not break down and cry in my bedroom every night. You will not find me screaming out 'why me?!?' Or any other habit depicting someone who's life is aweful. REALLY. I am OKAY.
Now... I know these people care. They're wonderful people. Which is why I smile politely and say, "Oh, really, we're doing great!" And I promise its not a lie, I'm not putting on a show, its the truth! We ARE doing great! I have SO many blessings in my life! Is my life a little chaotic? SURE! But seriously, who's isn't? Your chaos might not be my chaos, but everyone has hard stuff in their life, everyone has stress. That IS life. If it was all rainbows and unicorns there'd be nothing to learn and we'd all be lazy and unproductive.
So since I can't answer to these people in a blunt way all these 'kind-hearted well-meaning pitying' questions I get asked on a regular basis... here's what I REALLY want to say:
Them, "Aww... well... maybe someday life will be good for you again..."
WHAT?!?! Seriously?!?! My life IS good. My life is chuck FULL of good! I have a cute little apartment which, despite some downsides I really do love! I've got a great job I enjoy with great employers that let me be flexible with my schedule. My kids are doing awesome in school. I have some wonderful friends in the area and some far away that I get to see on occassion. I have three of the most amazing children I could ever ask for. They are all SO helpful and SO much fun. I could go on and on with the 'good' things in my life. Don't make me feel like my life is bad! My life is GOOD.
Them, "How long have you been alone?... ohhh man... you're just getting started..."
WOAH... first of all... I am not 'alone'. I have a little family who I live and laugh with everyday and we've made some amazing memories this last year. Next.... we have DEFINITELY made it through the hardest part. We have settled into our new life nicely and have a great routine. Don't ominously make me think its going to get WORSE. Sure hard stuff is going to come up from time to time but don't make it seem like thats specific to ME. That's just life!!!
Them, "But... you don't have family in the area for support????"
Uhhh.... what? Because I need someone to come get my kids ready in the morning and clean my house? What kind of support are you thinking I need? I don't even understand this question/comment. My mom is an AMAZING support. I talk to her all the time, she comes to visit and helps when she's here, my little brother helps with the kids when we go places and its great. But, contrary to what some people believe is possible I guess... my boys can get themselves dressed and they are actually a huge help around the house. No. It's not always perfectly clean. But really, we're good. I see my family plenty for fun things and I know they're there if I need them. I don't need any more support than that.
Them, "Aww, that's SUCH a long drive... any chance their dad will lose interest in wanting to see them so you don't have to drive?"
WHAT?!?!? Seriously?!?!? Oh, yeah... my 'inconvenience' is definitely much more important than my children going through life wondering why their dad stopped caring about them. NO. I do not hope for that NOR do I ever imagine it happening. Despite his faults, he is a decent dad and I'm grateful they've been able to stay close with him. I will GLADLY drive 3 hours twice a weekend twice a month in order to give my children a healthy relationship with that side of the family. GLADLY. If my children's happiness is at stake, you can bet your cookies I'll be doing whatever I need to.
Them, "Don't worry! You'll find a husband, it'll be okay!!!"
OR... it'll be okay if I don't. No really. YOU don't worry. I've done fine so far. My kids have food and clothes and are doing good in school. 90% of the time they are nice brothers and good friends and polite little gentlemen while out in public and awesome helpers around the house. Contrary to (apparently) popular belief... I am not living my life waiting around for a new husband. If it happens, well, that's awesome. I'd love to get married again one day and for the kids to have a dad in the home, and I wouldn't have to work full time. But I refuse to live my life waiting for that to happen. I will enjoy the blessings I have and be grateful that I got to be a mother and that I DO have a family. I am not desperate to find someone.
Again... I know the people who ask these questions care about me and my family. They're not meaning to be rude. I know that. And that's why I don't spout off these types of answers to them. I give them the polite short version. But I'm so tired of people making my life out to be something horrible! We're doing good! And I can think of a million blessings we've had in the last year and I can think of a million ways our life could be so much worse. We are happy. We have fun. We smile and laugh everyday. It's all good people. You are welcome to ask how I'm doing. But please don't ask in a way that makes it obvious you think I should break down crying on your shoulder. I wont do it. I'm scatterbrained and stretched kinda thin a lot of the time... and I've made mistakes because of it. But I'm a big girl and I'm SO proud of where my little family is at right now. We've got so much good going on. Don't make my life out to be a big mess! If you want to lovingly pity me... you are welcome to do it behind my back, but don't do it to my face! ; )
