Thursday, October 18, 2012

Kind-Hearted Well-Meaning Pity...

It's been forever since I've even thought to post anything. (Seriously... I don't know what happened to the dedicated blogger I used to be...) But since I'm too nice to say these exact words quite the way I'm thinking them... I'll simply have to blog them. I suck at journal writing... so blogging it is.

Obviously, there have been a lot of changes in my life in the last year and a half. Pretty well known. And since it is well known, I get people coming up to me ALL the time with a little head tilt, a slight pained expression on their face, and a "Aww.... hun.... how are you doing?"  And though these people are always well-meaning and truly kind-hearted people... their voice and body language are SO full of pity I find myself thinking, "What happened?!?!? Who died?!?!?" because they make my life sound THAT depressing.

Let it be known throughout the land that I seriously am okay. SERIOUSLY. I do not break down and cry in my bedroom every night. You will not find me screaming out 'why me?!?' Or any other habit depicting someone who's life is aweful. REALLY. I am OKAY.

Now... I know these people care. They're wonderful people. Which is why I smile politely and say, "Oh, really, we're doing great!" And I promise its not a lie, I'm  not putting on a show, its the truth! We ARE doing great! I have SO many blessings in my life! Is my life a little chaotic? SURE! But seriously, who's isn't? Your chaos might not be my chaos, but everyone has hard stuff in their life, everyone has stress. That IS life. If it was all rainbows and unicorns there'd be nothing to learn and we'd all be lazy and unproductive.

So since I can't answer to these people in a blunt way all these 'kind-hearted well-meaning pitying' questions I get asked on a regular basis... here's what I REALLY want to say:

Them, "Aww... well... maybe someday life will be good for you again..."

WHAT?!?! Seriously?!?! My life IS good. My life is chuck FULL of good! I have a cute little apartment which, despite some downsides I really do love! I've got a great job I enjoy with great employers that let me be flexible with my schedule. My kids are doing awesome in school. I have some wonderful friends in the area and some far away that I get to see on occassion. I have three of the most amazing children I could ever ask for. They are all SO helpful and SO much fun. I could go on and on with the 'good' things in my life. Don't make me feel like my life is bad! My life is GOOD.

Them, "How long have you been alone?... ohhh man... you're just getting started..."
WOAH... first of all... I am not 'alone'. I have a little family who I live and laugh with everyday and we've made some amazing memories this last year. Next.... we have DEFINITELY made it through the hardest part. We have settled into our new life nicely and have a great routine. Don't ominously make me think its going to get WORSE. Sure hard stuff is going to come up from time to time but don't make it seem like thats specific to ME. That's just life!!!

Them, "But... you don't have family in the area for support????"

Uhhh.... what? Because I need someone to come get my kids ready in the morning and clean my house? What kind of support are you thinking I need? I don't even understand this question/comment. My mom is an AMAZING support. I talk to her all the time, she comes to visit and helps when she's here, my little brother helps with the kids when we go places and its great. But, contrary to what some people believe is possible I guess... my boys can get themselves dressed and they are actually a huge help around the house. No. It's not always perfectly clean. But really, we're good. I see my family plenty for fun things and I know they're there if I need them. I don't need any more support than that.

Them, "Aww, that's SUCH a long drive... any chance their dad will lose interest in wanting to see them so you don't have to drive?"

WHAT?!?!? Seriously?!?!? Oh, yeah... my 'inconvenience' is definitely much more important than my children going through life wondering why their dad stopped caring about them. NO. I do not hope for that NOR do I ever imagine it happening. Despite his faults, he is a decent dad and I'm grateful they've been able to stay close with him. I will GLADLY drive 3 hours twice a weekend twice a month in order to give my children a healthy relationship with that side of the family. GLADLY. If my children's happiness is at stake, you can bet your cookies I'll be doing whatever I need to.

Them, "Don't worry! You'll find a husband, it'll be okay!!!"

OR... it'll be okay if I don't. No really. YOU don't worry. I've done fine so far. My kids have food and clothes and are doing good in school. 90% of the time they are nice brothers and good friends and polite little gentlemen while out in public and awesome helpers around the house. Contrary to (apparently) popular belief... I am not living my life waiting around for a new husband. If it happens, well, that's awesome. I'd love to get married again one day and for the kids to have a dad in the home, and I wouldn't have to work full time. But I refuse to live my life waiting for that to happen. I will enjoy the blessings I have and be grateful that I got to be a mother and that I DO have a family. I am not desperate to find someone.

Again... I know the people who ask these questions care about me and my family. They're not meaning to be rude. I know that. And that's why I don't spout off these types of answers to them. I give them the polite short version. But I'm so tired of people making my life out to be something horrible! We're doing good! And I can think of a million blessings we've had in the last year and I can think of a million ways our life could be so much worse. We are happy. We have fun. We smile and laugh everyday. It's all good people. You are welcome to ask how I'm doing. But please don't ask in a way that makes it obvious you think I should break down crying on your shoulder. I wont do it. I'm scatterbrained and stretched kinda thin a lot of the time... and I've made mistakes because of it. But I'm a big girl and I'm SO proud of where my little family is at right now. We've got so much good going on. Don't make my life out to be a big mess! If you want to lovingly pity me... you are welcome to do it behind my back, but don't do it to my face! ; )

Saturday, August 25, 2012

What Happened?!?!?

FINE! Fine. I'll blog again. I SERIOUSLY do not know why I haven't done so in SO SO SO long. I used to blog religiously at least once a week! *sigh*... I do miss it... but everytime I'd think about posting it was like.... 'eh.... maybe later'. Just couldn't work up the motivation.

But I miss so much being able to ramble on to no one in particular. I've never really been a big journal-er so this was kind of my record of 'life' and all its happenings. SO... here we go... we're jumpin' back on this bandwagon!!! Below you will find the super speedy condensed version of what we've been up too since my last post...

We moved out of our cousins home (thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you Alli & Warren for allowing us to turn your home into the neighborhood circus with a total of 12 people under one roof!!! with 7 of those people age 7 or under!!!). I will be forever grateful that we had that 'halfway home' to transition us into our new life. I loved being able to visit and share mom-moments with Alli and the kids loved playing with their cousins and I don't know what I would have done without Warren being able to watch all the kids when I had to take Zack over to the ER after his mega bike crash. BUT... it was time to move on. We found a great little apartment at a price we could afford, so you can't beat that.

DISNEYLAND!!! YEAH!!! We so totally went and it was AWESOME!!!! Me, my mama, my baby brother, and my babies #1 and #2 traveled west to the land of Mickey & Minnie and had an amazing time!!! SUCH a good time that we'll be going again in the fall of 2013, this time bringing Grandpa Brent and baby Cameron... who.... will not really be a baby at that point.

Also this month.... HALLOWEEN! I love me some good ol' Halloween! I'm not much into the scary stuff... but I LOVE dressing us all up and putting together costumes. I did not live up to my usual standards... but it was sufficient considering the time I was able to put into it.

The boys were in Idaho for Thanksgiving this year... so that was pretty weird... but I spent the weekend holiday with friends and it was okay. I also had my first experience with Black Friday shopping!!! And I remember there being this super funny conversation between me and Karri around 5:00 am.... but I can't for the life of me remember what it was... guess that's what happens when you shop ALL NIGHT LONG. Our brains were history. But I got some SWEET deals for Christmas presents!!!

Oooooh!!!! I LOVE Christmas! Totally my favorite holiday! I love all the festivities, music, decorations, family time, traditions.... all awesome!!! Brent, Justin, & my mom came to spend Christmas with us in our new little home this year. It was so wonderful all being together!!! I loved that they could all come!!! The kids made out like bandits and I got a new (well... new to me!) Treadmill which I LOVE! Many awesome gifts were exchanged, many laughs had, and many memories made!!!

A new year! Kadan was finally settling in well and doing better in school. Cameron was growing like a weed at this point. Zack was loving preschool and all his new friends and his 'Teacher Ash-o-wee' who is 'pwitty wike a pwincess!'  : )  We enjoyed the snow we got & found a great spot for sledding!

I got some ROCKIN' valentines from my sweet boys and my lovely friend Karri surprised me by showing up to hang out with me Valentine's day evening. : )  We had a grand old time sitting around doing nothing (our favorite pasttime... ahhhh good times...) I officially turned 27 (we went to the Fun Zone for some roller skating) and got flowers twice and though it was a weird birthday... all in all it was alright. LoL
Kadan was also in the science fair at his school! He got a ribbon and everything! I was so proud of my little science geek/jock/rockstar... this kid has so many interests, who knows what he'll do as he gets older. lol

MARCH 2012
Baby turns TWO!!!! I couldn't hardly believe my wittle teeny weeny preemie boy was now TWO!!! He's grown TONS the last 9 months-ish. You can't even tell he was a preemie at all! Such a big boy!!! He is pretty obsessed with all Sesame Street characters so he got a cute baby Elmo that he still sleeps with and some other clothes and toys from mom & Grandma.
Ahhh St. Patty's.... The boys rigged a leprochaun trap and were SO close to catching one. The little guy got away but dropped his hat! We kept it of course. : )  The boys dressed festive for the day, below: baby sporting his "It's me Lucky Shirt" & st. patty's day glasses (which he was obsessed with).

APRIL 2012
Kadan turns SEVEN!!! What the?!?!?! I know. I know! And 7 is totally the magic age. Right about this time he got extremely helpful and responsible and loving towards his little brothers. He was lovingly referred to as my Golden Child for several months (as I'm writing this in August that may or may not be quite so accurate currently... our crazy summer schedule kind of threw us all off a bit...). I was SO SO grateful for all his help. Don't know what I'd do without that kid!!! He kept me sane as Cameron took up his new occupation as a Terrible-Two-Year-Old.

Also on the agenda this month was a lovely Easter with my parents & brother & kids and Lagoon!!! (Thanks Mommy & Daddy Warbucks for the season passes!!!)  : )

MAY 2012
Mother's Day!!! I got some lovely gifts (including pipe cleaner flowers from Kadan) and reminded exactly why all the hard stuff is worth it. These kids really do rock! Love their guts!!! : ) We also went to this little circus that came to Logan. Totally low budget but we loved it! AND... AND... we rode an elephant! Then we got to hang out with it in its pen after the circus! SO super cool! A clown gave Kadan & Cam mustaches and we all enjoyed a little cotton candy! : )

In May we also found the riverwalk trail and began the first of MANY bike rides/walks/roller-blading-trips... with our new sweeeeet double stroller!!! (thanks mommy!)

JUNE 2012
More Lagoon! Gettin' lots of use out of those season passes & lovin' it! This was also the start of our crazy summer kid schedule. They spent two weeks in Idaho which literally about killed me. I stayed busy by organizing 90% of my apartment. Every drawer/closet I could get to in the evenings and weekends til they came home. I was mildly grateful for the time to get stuff done but VERY grateful when my babies were home again.

We've had many fun mini-events this summer as well, most notably our Superhero movie night!

JULY 2012
Zackery turns FIVE!!! I can't even believe he's growing up so fast! Technically he is ready for kindergarten now, but with such a late summer birthday, we're going to wait til next year. And the end of the day he told us, "This is the best day EVER!"  .... as birthdays should be.   : )

Enter.... NOW!!! I did it! I summarized our whole year!!! Woah... maybe now I'll keep up with it since it's all current and such. Awww... so proud of myself. *pat on the back*   ; )

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New school & new job


In August we all started something new for our day to day life. Kadan started first grade at a new elementary school. He was pretty excited he got to go to school with his cousins!

And Mr. Zackery started preschool! Little Cameron also went to "Baby School" at the same daycare/preschool, but I didn't get his picture this day. They've really loved going. Their teachers are AMAZING and they've made so many little friends and have had so many fun experiences. This place is great! They totally go the extra mile! I was SO glad I found a good place for them to go!

 As for me.... I started a new job a paralegal at a law firm. WHAT?!?!? I know... I know... I was in shock there for awhile too! Never pictured myself there, but turns out I really love it and I'm pretty good at it, or so they tell me. : ) This is my fancy schmancy desk (double moniters! So fun!). It's been fun learning something new. The people I work with are awesome and the firm is amazing and have been so good to me! Sick kids - have to leave early? No problem. Crazy kids - have to come in a little late? Sure. As long as I don't abuse the privelege and I work hard while I'm there, they are willing to let me be flexible with my schedule. A single moms dream!!! (Thanks guys!!!)

Zackery's 4th Birthday!!!

JULY 2011

On July 22nd Zackery George Harris turned 4 years old!!! What a big boy he's getting!!! Grandpa Brent & Grandma Minnie came down to join me, Zack, and his brothers for a little celebration.

Zack got a Lightning McQueen 'shake n go' race track and 5 cars to go with it (Lighting McQueen, Franchesco, Red the fire truck, Mater, & Finn McMissile). He was one happy boy!!!

And fabulous friend RaNette made him a Lightning McQueen birthday cake to match!!!

 Zack loved it!!! And his brother and cousins totally thought he was one lucky birthday boy to get suck a cool cake!!!  Thanks RaNette!!!

Make wish birthday boy! (Maybe wish for no more injuries for awhile?!?!?!)

Cherry Hills

JULY 2011

Just a week after Zack's accident (before he got his cast off) we decided to party it up with the Hoopes Clan at Cherry Hills. We were in need of some fun!

We wrapped up Zack's brace with a water resistant wrap and OODLES of saran wrap. LoL It worked! He was able to splash in the water and have fun, although he did need a good nap in the afternoon (he still got tired easily from the concussion).

Baby loved his first trip to Cherry Hills!

 Me and my #1 man! He's growing up so fast!!!

Three men and a little lady ; )  (that's miss Keira, part of the Hoopes Clan, on the left)

Look at this cute little water baby! He's such a little fishy! He loves the water.  : )

 This was the only slide Zack got to go on. Because of his crash, he wasn't allowed to do too much. The first time I went with him, and when I saw it was insanely slow and gentle I let him go once more (a few hours later) by himself. Kadan got to go on all the big slides, but it was okay, Zack was happy slashing in the lazy river and Pirates Cove. : )

Thank you Hoopes family for inviting us along! It's always a blast spending time with you guys! : )

Zackery's Crash : (

JULY 2011

One of my top 2 hardest mom moments (the other was Cameron's birth) was when Zack crashed on his bike. We were all getting ready to go for a bike ride/walk. I was getting the two youngest kids in the stroller and the other kids were getting their helmets on. Zack didn't have his shoes on yet. I told him to go put his shoes and helmet on. He went and hopped on his little bike. I heard him scream and I turned and saw him rolling down the driveway and onto the road (which was a hill). I took off running as fast as I could, but I wasn't fast enough. He couldn't stop. He crashed into a brick column mailbox... head first. He was concious and his head was only scraped up (no gaping wounds) so it wasn't bleeding much. But he was obviously hurting bad. We took him into instacare, but they sent us to the ER. While we were in the car he was dozing off and by the time we got there he was throwing up.

We spent the day in the ER so they could watch him. He had a broken arm, fractured skull, and concussion.

They didn't put a cast on right away. They wanted the swelling go down. Poor thing was pretty miserable on an off for the next week. He'd go back and forth from having headache and being tired to being loopy from the pain killers. It was sooo sad. Broke my heart to see him that way. They said he healed really good though and bounced back pretty quick.

 Poor think had a ton of swelling from his forhead wound, creating nice black eyes. : (

 He was pretty excited to get his neon green cast on.

He got it off about 4 weeks later. As you can see, it was filled with signatures from mom, dad, cousins, aunts, uncles, & grandparents.

Cast + summertime = sweeet tan lines ; )

I really think it was harder on me than him! He bounced back quick and was young enough than even now he really doesn't remember much, other than the basic facts that he crashed and got a 'cool' cast. I'm just soooo glad he was okay!!! Like I said... it was tied for Worst Mom Moment with the events of baby Cameron's birth. : (

Summer Moving

JULY 2011

Me and the kids moved to Logan the beginning of July. My cousin had a vacant basement. She needed some help and I needed a place to live, so it worked out well for a temporary summer arrangement. Perfect half-way home while we were entering our new life.

Cameron changed SO much over the summer! He really moved from babyhood into toddlerhood.

Playing with Hulk Gloves

Eating a creamy popcicle at Aunt Julie's

Blue Sucker + Toddler + Long Car Ride = SMURF BABY!

One night after Zack had a shower I wrapped a towel around him and sent him into the bedroom to get some pajamas. Literally 5 seconds later when I went into the room he was wrapped up under this towel, just inside the door, fast asleep.  : )

 It's been wonderful to be so close to a temple. I even got to spend one wonderful evening there with my cousin, my aunt, and my fabulous grandma! We went out for ice cream afterwards. One of the best days of the whole summer. : )

The Goodworth home could have been accurately described as a circus house this summer, including: 3 adults, and 9 children ages:  12, 10, 7, 7, 6, 3, 3, 2, & 1.
Twelve people total, including eight children 7 yrs old and under.
Yup. Circus was accurate. LoL
With four children age 3 and under, you can imagine there was quite a bit of mischief going on. Including dumping dish soap into the dishwasher. 

After extensive googling, I finally found a few tricks to get rid of the bubbles. Thank you google! : )